Friday, October 5, 2012

No, no, no

Someone wrote into Carolyn Hax's chat with the following issue:
My sister has a beautiful 4 year old daughter. She's pregnant again - and about a month ago she found out she was pregnant with twin girls. Meanwhile, our brother and his husband have been talking more seriously about starting a family; years ago my sister told them she would consider being a surrogate or egg donor when they were ready to discuss it. Yesterday, my sister told me that since she found out about the twins, she has had the crazy idea of exploring the possibility of my brother and brother-in-law adopting one of the girls.
Among the responses:
  • "Has either of you talked to any twins? I imagine they'd be strongly opposed to the idea. I don't have a twin myself, but two of my kids are, and that leads many of the adults we meet out in the world to point out that they also are twins. Then come the stories of how amazing it is to grow up that way, with your better-than-best friend." (From Hax, a twin mom herself)
  • "Um, babies aren't cookies. You don't give your brother one just because you've got two."
  • "I have twins also and their bond is incredible, so much so that the "Parent Trap" bothered me because I couldn't imagine parents splitting twins up. I think it would have to be difficult to discover that your cousin is actually your twin."
  • "As a twin: NO. Do not encourage this idea. My relationship with my twin sister is by far the defining relationship in my life."
  • "I'm a twin with a twin brother and reading this question just gutted me. We've had our ups and we've had our downs, but I would be horrified if someone had split us apart at birth. I can't even contemplate it, no matter how well seeming the idea appears. DON'T DO IT! Please."